Just as I sat down to type this someone sent this to me through Messenger:
I need inner stillness.
I used to awake every morning, open my eyes, and simply be grateful to be alive, to be a part of this universe. I quickly added gratitude for all the other blessings I have—for good health, for J, for family. For the last several months I’ve only been successful doing this through a kind of forced discipline. Sometimes I’m already out walking before I remember to put aside my hatred for Trump and turn my thoughts towards the very real blessings I have.
There’s a kiosk in Kensington. On it are “help wanted” ads, advertised classes, notices of upcoming concerts. A therapist is offering a class in managing stress in the age of Trump. It’s full. My cardiologist friend calls it “Trump 10”, a ten pound weight gain because of political stress.
We cherish those moments that take us away from this. Oakland had several hundred thousand jubilant people today celebrating the Golden State Warriors NBA victory over Cleveland in the finals. I enjoyed watching the games, but that’s all. My friend David managed to get a seat for $1000 for one of the games. Hamilton was expensive enough, and I suspect that the outcome was a bit more certain.
I cherish much in my life. I cherish Kennedy’s apparent recovery. I cherish J. I cherish all my grandchildren and my children.
Having to remind myself to do that, though, when these feelings should simply flow as naturally as a mountain spring, suggests that the heart and the mind are both vulnerable, sabotaged, kidnapped, and otherwise taken prisoner by the very real and pressing issues that surround us, what we’re reminded of in the tweetstorms, the internet, the Washington Post, NY Times, and Facebook.
That I think every day about “how much I hate that motherfucker” doesn’t lead me to stillness. However, if I think about Jay and about all the wonderful blessings in my life, the path doesn’t seem nearly as steep, the issues not nearly as pressing.